An Insightful Moment

I stared intently as the doctor shined a piercing light into my husband's dilated eyes this afternoon. For weeks Bob has been experiencing flashes of light followed by large and annoying floaters, black blobs that distract and sometimes obscured his vision. The doctor was methodical, checking the retina from every angle. Bob sat tensely, his fists clenched. Except for the doctor’s instructions to look left or right the room was quiet. I realized I was holding my breath. Finally, the examination was over. Good news, no tear in the retina. I exhaled, flooded with relief.

“Posterior vitreous detachment” was the “good news” diagnosis we received this afternoon. This is a condition that occurs when the vitreous, the clear fluid that fills the eye, pulls away from the retina. According to the doctor, almost everyone will experience posterior vitreous detachment by the age of 80, it’s common. Aside from being annoying, it’s benign. I have to say it doesn’t seem common when it’s you or a loved one experiencing the flashes and floaters; but annoying we can live with.

Bob’s father was not so blessed. He lived many years with a detached retina, a very different condition that left him with limited eyesight and vastly reduced his quality of life. We watched him deal with the limitations that dogged him day after day. As Bob experienced the physical symptoms and anxiously waited for today’s appointment, it was the memory of his father’s struggle that caused Bob AND me the most distress. Amazing how paralyzing the unknown effects of heredity can be.

Now that we know Bob has inherited his father’s love of good food and not his weak retinas, we are breathing much easier. We are both seeing some things more clearly now that the anxiety and distress of the past week or two has ended on a happy note. Some things that wouldn’t have seemed “common” when were younger we will have to see as “common” now that we are nearly sixty. Just writing that seems strange, but it’s real, it’s now, and we have to accept it. Certainly we see our parents in a new light, now that we are experiencing some of the physical and emotional changes they went through. And, despite the fact they have been gone many years, we feel a new connection to them. Finally, it’s good to know that we can see our way through the changes and challenges still to come—together.

Most people know about Helen Keller and the amazing life she lived despite her blindness. I am sure she “saw” more than most people. She once said, “It gives me a deep, comforting sense that things seen are temporal and things unseen are eternal.” I’m thinking how true those words are, and how sometimes, despite the floaters, or maybe because of the floaters, we can actually see things more clearly.