Laugh Lines

"If wrinkles must be written on our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old."  James A. Garfield

Nora’s soft little finger ran across the skin under my eye.
 “What are all those lines and bumps around your eye, Grammie?” she asked.
I laughed,
 “Those are wrinkles, Nora.”
“Ummm,” she responded.  “Why do you have them?”
I decided to go with the short answer.
 “Well, Grammie is getting older, and when you get older you usually get wrinkles.”
That answer was enough for my little granddaughter. She hopped off my lap and skipped off to play with her sisters.

Later that day, while washing my face before bed I glanced at the mirror.  Who was that woman gazing back at me?  She looked familiar, like an older version of the woman staring into the mirror, the one whose body I lived in.  I moved closer to the mirror to have a better look.  Wow, when had all those wrinkles and lines and bumps and puffy areas appeared?  I used my fingers to smooth out the skin around my peepers, yup, that was better.  I could definitely see why some people decided to have a little “work” done on their faces as they aged, but that just isn’t my style.  I released the skin and the wrinkles settled back in like old friends, looking like they had lived there at the sides of my eyes forever.  No wonder Nora had asked about the bumps and lines.  I rummaged through my makeup basket and pulled out the night cream.  Lot of good this is doing, I thought, I was ready to go big guns, wage all-out war against these invaders, and all I had was what was left of the white goo in the bottom of the green jar in the palm of my hand.  I finished at the sink and slipped into bed.  Maybe war wasn’t the answer.

I stared into the darkness, I remembered saying to Nora, “Well, Grammie is getting older, and when you get older you usually get wrinkles.”  It hadn’t bothered me at the moment, but here in the dark, with Bob already snoozing next to me, I realized I really didn’t like the sound of those words.  Being a breast cancer survivor, I am thankful for every day God gives me, and yet, I just wasn’t prepared for aging.  I started thinking about how the lines and creases had etched their way into my face.  Lots of smiling I was sure had caused the lines at the corners, I have lots to smile about.  Fun family times, laughing till I cry with friends and my sisters, weddings, baptisms, new grandbabies, yes, lots of smiling had probably caused those lines.  Some sobering moments and sad moments were likely the reason for some of the puffiness and tired look under my eyes, things like, losing parents, fighting illnesses, worries about the state of the world and the future my children and grandchildren would be facing.  In the dark I realized the lines and wrinkles and furrows were part of a story, the story of my life.

Thankfully I fell asleep deciding it would not be necessary to take up arms against the uninvited signs of aging I had glared at in the mirror that evening.  I decided to embrace them instead.  Don’t get me wrong, I still use my night cream before settling in for the night, but next time one of my little ones notices some new lines or creases on Grammie’s face and wonders why they’re there, I’m just going to say, “honey, those are part of my story!”  I’m just not prepared to age, I’ll deal with that when I’m old-- and who knows when that will be.